The following questions and answers are for entertainment purposes only. Please do not follow it in real life.

Q1: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A1: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...don't waste them on exercise.  Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

1. On Sears hairdryer:

"Do not use while sleeping."

(But..., that's the only time I have to work on my hair)

2. On some Swanson frozen dinners:

"Serving suggestions: Defrost."

(But it's "just" a suggestion)

3. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box):